Tag: Social Media

Health, mental health

Week 16 Kindness Project Week 4 A Captive Audience for Comparison

granny18

The Theme for Week 16 of The Kindness Project is “Stop Comparing Yourself”.

The Kindness book speaks about focusing less on external things and more on our own hearts and minds, worrying less about whether we’re “better than” or “less than” the people in our circles.  Those of us following the “Social Distancing” protocol pretty closely would, you might imagine, have an easy time not comparing ourselves to others when we only see our own families every day.

But, at times of isolation like these, we are drawn to Social Media, especially Twitter and Facebook, to find information, to connect, to find some small part of this we can control. What we see instead is a myriad of misinformation and panic-inducing partial data and…a few people who seem to be doing self-isolation just a bit more creatively than we are.

As if the mere fact of being apart from loved ones, being unable to enjoy a hike in the forest a change in work or loss of income wasn’t enough to cause depression, here’s another factor.

Research has shown a link between social media and depression brought on by comparing our lives to someone else’s.

https://www.statista.com/chart/19262/impact-of-social-media-on-mental-health/

We can’t control being apart, being banned from provincial parks or our employment situation. Still, we CAN be selective in our social media exposure, and when we do engage, be mindful of what we are thinking when looking at someone else’s posts. It’s important to remember that what they are showing you is the BEST version of their lives. They don’t post themselves weeping in frustration, close-ups of their wrinkles or the explosion of temper their frustration brought them. (You don’t know my dark…or wrinkly…side…) Not because those things aren’t real, but because it’s not what we post on a platform like Facebook. Kind of like the old Christmas letter, we left out the embarrassing bits.

Twitter runs its own risks as misinformation is RAMPANT.  I’m beginning to realize I need to get information only from reliable sources and quit reading the comments. QUIT READING THE COMMENTS!! You will be tempted to correct someone sharing some misinformation, but you will NEVER WIN!

I tried. I’m exhausted.

On Twitter, a comparison might just be okay. I’m feeling comparatively intelligent these days…

If you’ve come to me via social media, know this, if you are doing your best, if you skid to the end of the day alive, you are doing just fine in these tumultuous times. You’re doing okay, friends. Just keep doing it another day.

And another.

And another.

One of these days, we’ll lay some face to face love on those social media friends, those who seem to be perfect, those who seem to be losing their minds, because deep down, we know all of us are just doing our best to be…”okay”.

Be kind to others, be kind to yourself.

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Doing what's right

The Kindness Project

granny18

One of the things I notice when exploring the virtual world of social media is the unkindness. Twitter is the worst, to the point I had to quit looking at comments for fear of becoming horrified. I peeked back in the other day and saw a local traffic commentator posting what someone had said to her.

“omg, you seriously have to get rid of that senile old bat Leslie Horton.”

Leslie is quirky and fun and brings joy to my day and the day of many others. If this individual doesn’t like her, the city does have other morning news shows. So why? I have no idea really but have made two observations:

The anonymity of platforms like twitter give courage to the unkind.

Unkind, low-brow posts by those in authority (you know who you are) seems to have lended legitimacy to those who used to hide in the shadows..

What can we do about it? Be kind.

My new community in High River, Alberta, Canada, has embraced kindness by dubbing several of us “Kindness Ambassadors” based on Jaime Thurston’s book, “Kindness – the little thing that matters most.”

I jumped on that bandwagon pretty quickly after a month of social media hate speech. Kindness. The word SPOKE to me.

I’m catching up a bit here because I’ve become a little “unretired” (A whole other post) but here’s where we are at so far.

Week 1. Give kind comments. No Leslie does not enjoy being called a senile old bat. If you don’t like her style change the channel. If you do enjoy her style, tell her so. (I love you Leslie!)

Week 2. Be Kind to Unkind People. Oh, there’s Leslie again. She’s been known to be kind to unkind people by assuring they get themselves a Snickers bar. The Snickers company themselves have participated in her quest to sweeten the world a little when it gets a little sour.

Week 3. Share Your Food. We’ve always been active supporters of our local food bank but when I moved to this community I came across a local organization known as High River Food Rescue. These folks redistribute edible food to our community that would otherwise go to waste, through markets held twice weekly. Seriously, how cool is this?

https://www.wildrosecommunityconnections.com/wild-rose-food-connections

Week 4. Do Something for Nothing. Now I know sometimes it’s hard to become an official part of a volunteer organization because of other things you’ve got going on. Sometimes life is hard. I GET it! Oh boy, do I get it. Sometimes though, you offer to pick the grandkids up at school, or you shovel the neighbour’s walk, or you make sure a Mom of a newborn has some ready-made meals, or you paint someone’s basement because they can’t physically do it themselves and they can’t afford to hire someone. Whatever it is, do it and expect nothing in return. My best “do somethings” have been things I’ve done in secret. My Dad won a Volunteer award from the AB Government back in 2013, and in his speech, he told a story of harvesting a sick neighbour’s field. When he asked his Dad if they were going to tell the neighbour they had done it; his Dad replied, “Getting credit is not why we do it.”

Week 5. Smile. That one is easy when someone is smiling back, a little tougher when faced with a scowl. On week 5 I threw myself out there and smiled at many very unhappy looking people. Very rarely was the smile returned. I had chosen the pick of the litter. The bottom line is, I don’t know why they are miserable. I don’t know why one particular lady got so upset so quickly at such a small thing. I don’t know. So I smile at them. Maybe it confuses them but maybe somewhere deep down it is better than being ignored.

Week 6. This week. Switch off and disconnect. Face to face conversation allows us to connect as human beings. I used to have face to face conversations with students, staff and faculty daily. I have formed lifelong connections with some of them.

Now I am a contract worker, writing from home. Beyond the undeniable attraction of working in stretchy pants and a -40 commute that does not require me to go outside, I miss these connections. My team and I meet via video conference or phone, and it’s just not the same as having those co-workers who grab you from your desk to go for a popcorn run or those who stop by with a cup of coffee and a chat. I’ve decided the occasional drive to connect with the people I “work with” is going to be integral to my survival.

Until then, this week’s “switch off and disconnect” will be about my grandchildren. I’m babysitting all day tomorrow. No tablet, no movies, no Facebook, no blogging…just some good old face to face with some of the most entertaining folks in my world.

And if they act like little horrors…I will try to be kind. 😉